A couple weeks ago, Cheryl and I wrote about “Friend Sex” over at our joint blog. I didn’t really speak about friends, I spoke about how I like to cultivate a lover , “Having a lover is the perfect balance for me. It’s amazing to have a friend who also gives you amazing orgasms. It’s amazing to have a friend who makes you feel safe. It’s amazing to be in a relationship with someone where the past and the future don’t matter.” All that is true.
But what I didn’t get into is that fact that over the course of my exploration of dating apps and meeting lots of interesting men, I have genuinely made friends. Good friends. Consider the man I met while on holiday in Montreal. We are still in touch, especially on the subject of politics. Election night texting with him and joking that I was moving to Canada into his condo was just fun. He still says I am welcome any time. Consider a lovely man I met on holiday in London. Same thing. We are now Facebook friends and check in with each other regularly. Just life stuff. We are friends. I inquire about his son and his romantic life. He also cares about what is happening with me. We are friends. Consider a FWB man who was in my life for quite some time. He moved away for a new job but we also stay in contact and he loves following this blog and my career as a writer and dating coach. I enjoy following his career success.
Here’s the thing. People need people. We all crave connection. We are all human. And another benefit of using dating apps is that it is possible to cultivate new and enduring friendships.
Consider this. Technology is amazing for finding a sexual relationship, but it can also be amazing for finding friends. For finding genuine connections with people who enrich your life, people who are interesting, people who give you different perspectives on the world, people who you can learn something from.
By the way, if you have this kind of attitude about dating you are going to have a much, much better experience. Not every man you meet is going to turn into a long-term relationship. Not every man is going to be a compatible sex partner. Open your heart. Open your mind. And swipe right. You might make some new friends along the way.