On Friday I recorded a podcast interview for divorceforce.com. I have been a regular contributor to their blog for a couple years now and I love the idea of there being a central hub for all things divorce. You can go there for legal advice, attorney recommendations, financial advice, advice on parenting during and after divorce and a great section about life after divorce (that’s where I come in). It’s really an amazing resource should you find yourself in the position to need it.
The subject of the podcast is Dating and Sex during separation and post divorce. And it was a joint interview with a pretty major matchmaker, based in New York City. Her job is to help people find love and potentially their next marriage. My job is to help 40+ women embrace their sexuality, find gratifying relationships and live full lives. Not surprisingly, we had very different points of view. It was an action packed interview.
I’m still reeling from one part of the conversation and I want to put it out there to you, my tribe, to see what you think. The matchmaker warned against dating and having sex with several partners post divorce. Her reasoning was that this would “ruin your reputation”. As you probably already know I don’t agree and have based my practice on almost the complete opposite. It’s not that I’m telling you to go out and sleep with a lot of people. What I am absolutely saying is that this is 2017 and women post-divorce are free to explore as few or as many partners as they want. Without regard to what others think!
As a matter of fact, hearing the matchmaker say this was such a surprise to me that I may not have clearly communicated all that I wanted to say on the subject. We’ll see about that after the podcast has been edited. This double standard is so infuriating. Society allows men to sleep with as many women as they want and they are seldom judged (I did manage to say that part). Why shouldn’t a woman be treated similarly? But more important why are you looking to meet, date or marry a man who is concerned about that.
Are we really concerned about our reputation as middle-aged divorcees? Gosh, I hope not. I think at this point we are grown-up women, we know who we are and should be living authentically. And if you meet a man who you really like and he discovers you have explored your sexuality with a number of partners, he should be flattered that you are willing to commit to him. You know what you want sexually and he is fulfilling that for you.
After participating in this interview, I realize how important it is to talk about these different perspectives. I know we both have a lot more to say and I look forward to another opportunity to continue the conversation!
Dating after divorce can be scary and complicated. And it’s very important to take care of yourself during this transitional time. Dating after divorce can also be the road to sexual freedom and discovery. Let’s feel free to discover, without regard for what other people may think.
I’ll let you know when the podcast is available! Meanwhile, The DivorceForce “Survival Guide” Podcast series is now LIVE! The first 10 episodes are available on iTunes.