Nothing is better than meeting someone new and realizing you have an amazing connection. You find yourself talking for hours, then kissing for hours and suddenly you feel like you are addicted. You miss them when they are gone. You are still thinking about how good it felt hours later… Do you know what I am talking about? Kissing becomes like a drug. It feels amazing. And you want more. It doesn’t happen that you meet someone with whom you have this kind of connection every day, but when it happens it is unbelievably wonderful. And confusing. You don’t really know this person, but everything with them feels so good. What gives?
Seems our lips have 100 times more nerve endings than our fingertips! And when we kiss someone, it can cause the release of chemicals that both lowers stress and boosts our moods. In our crazy world, no wonder it feels so, so good to touch and taste and lick another’s lips and no wonder we can’t get enough of it.
When you move on to sex, things get more complicated… women start releasing oxytocin, also known as the ‘cuddle hormone’, which makes us trust people more. We are trusting out of hormones, not because of anything rational. This is a little scary.
According to Dr. Arun Ghosh in an article from Dailymail.co.uk regarding oxytocin, “It’s also the key to bonding, as it increases levels of empathy. Women produce more of this hormone, although it’s not clear why, and this means they are more likely to let their guard down and fall in love with a man after sex.” Damn it. Trusting and bonding AND falling in love are happening outside of our control. Furthermore, according to On the Brain, from the Harvard Mahoney Neuroscience Newsletter, “Oxytocin, provokes feelings of contentment, calmness, and security, which are often associated with mate bonding.” And the “mate bonding” happens way more for women than for men. During sex, men mostly get a rush of dopamine, which gives them pleasure – no fair!!
So, what to do? I am a woman who is not looking for a serious relationship. I’ve been there. Done that. I just want to keep my relationships light and super fun, but how is this even possible? At this point there are choices to be made.
If you are serious about a casual relationship, you might choose to not sleep over after sex. I know, I know… it’s so awesome to feel a man’s arms around you and wake up with them in the morning but this behavior leads to bonding faster than if you avoid it. Yes, I am speaking from experience here.
You might choose to have more than one man in your life at a time. You are free to do this. And not feel a bit badly. You are single. It’s casual sex!
I think the key is to be intellectually aware of what is happening. When you feel hyper-connected and trusting of someone you haven’t known for very long, you know why – it’s the chemicals! You can manage a lot in your head if you know the facts.
And sometimes you can just choose to let yourself experience all the yumminess of kissing and let the oxytocin course through your body.
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