My dear readers. It’s a few days before Christmas 2018 and I am sitting on my couch in Chicago watching Love Actually on Netflix. I haven’t watched this film since it came out and for some reason it seemed like a really good idea to watch this chilly afternoon. I mean, Hugh Grant is lovely to look at and listen to (I’m such a sucker for a British accent), but something else is going on with me these days…
I find myself feeling all mushy, all the time. Grateful for everything and everyone in my life and even sentimental. What is wrong with me? I’ve been the champion of freedom in my love life. Freedom in my sex life. Freedom in my work life. Freedom generally. And honestly not really thought about feelings. Or romance. Or certainly love. I tell you, my readers, to embrace your sexuality. Don’t worry about finding romance. Live your lives with abandon. Do you. Take care of what you need. Protect yourself. And here I am feeling very romantic and connected to the world and everyone who crosses my path.
I am actually feeling in love with life. I find myself talking to to strangers. The homeless man on the street who told me he could feel my positive energy the other evening. I shook his hand and looked into his kind eyes. The connection with him gave me such amazing vibes. Every single Uber driver – I ask them questions. I let them tell me about their stories and their lives. They only want to be heard. The waiter at a restaurant who serves me nourishing food. I leave him a 30% tip for taking such good care of me. It feels good to be cared for, even if it is their job.
I feel like turning up Spotify up and dancing. I feel like sweating. I feel like kissing. I feel like fucking. I feel like looking every single person in the eye. I want to see deep in their souls. I want connection. With everyone. All the time.
Why am I feeling so connected and generous and thankful and alive? Could be the season. The holidays are always a bit sentimental. Could be that I really am so grateful for all things in my life. It’s been an incredible year for me professionally. Could be that my mom is sick and I am embracing moments with her while she is still on this earth. Could be my heart has finally healed after four years. Could be the world feels so chaotic that love and human connection seems like the only answer to find calm.
Love is kind and gentle and pure. It’s an emotion that I have avoided for so long and now it is manifesting itself in nearly every daily interaction of my life.
I don’t know what all of this means. But I do know it feels good. Like really, really good.
Open your hearts when the time is right for you. And enjoy the holidays.