Dating, Diets and (Clementine) Desseaux

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In the summer, I tend to wear lots of dresses and flowy pants. I love the idea of letting my body breathe in the heat and loose fitting clothing makes the weather and humidity more tolerable. And this summer, I have not been particularly watching what I eat and for sure haven’t stepped on the scale in months. It’s been freeing in a lot of ways to not worry about any of that but sheer panic ensued when I went to put on jeans to meet a girlfriend for dinner last weekend. I carefully put one leg on, then the other – absolutely convinced they wouldn’t fit – then, to my delight, the jeans went the rest of the way on. And buttoned easily! Whew!!

No matter what diet I go on or how much I work out, I seem to end up about the same size. Low carb, no carb, Weight Watchers, the Zone – doesn’t seem to matter. Okay I am probably 20 lbs. heavier than I was in my 20’s, but big deal. That was 20 years ago. I feel sexier now than I ever did back then (the confidence of being in my 40’s has done wonders!). And when I say I didn’t watch what I ate over the summer, it also doesn’t mean I ate pints of ice cream or bags of chips. I just didn’t obsess over what I ate and I let myself indulge on occasion. And for sure I didn’t count calories. And while I haven’t worked out like I should have, I did walk a lot – like probably 8,000 – 10,000 steps per day.

What I have also come to know, as a result of my online dating adventures in the last couple years, is that men don’t mind a curvy woman and in a lot of cases, prefer some extra flesh. I remember my mom, years ago, suggesting that the reason I wasn’t married was because I needed to loose some weight. Those are the type of words that stick in your head, surface regularly and contribute to poor self-body image. And I know she meant well, but now dating post-marriage I can clearly tell you that there are tons of men who genuinely appreciate, adore and I dare say, worship a curvy body. One man in my life last year used to beg me not to loose weight. He loved running his hands over my curves, over an over. It was amazing to feel and recognize his appreciation for my thick body was completely genuine. That realization has been one of the most freeing, “aha” moments I could have ever hoped for. Every woman carrying a few extra pounds needs to fully know and understand this truth.

If you have any doubt about this, please follow Ashley Graham or Clementine Desseaux or Jennie Runk or any other number of gorgeous models on Instagram. These ladies are real and if you read the comments on their pictures, you will see men adoring them. And if you haven’t ventured back out into the dating world because you think you need to loose some weight, stop. Stop judging your body. Get out there. You are beautiful. Right now. Life is too short to struggle to loose weight before you allow yourself to enjoy your life.

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