It’s Christmas Eve and I feel fantastic! Booted up the YouTube fireplace on my flat screen and the Happy Holidays playlist on Spotify. Lit a spiced apple super stinky candle in my living room and poured myself a glass of wine. And it may be 45 degrees out in Chicago with no chance of snow, but I am in the holiday spirit 100%!
You are probably thinking, what’s the big deal – right? It’s the holidays. Why are we talking about being in the holiday spirit. Easy isn’t it? Well, this is kind of a theme in my postings but this time last year I was miserable and I couldn’t imagine that feeling anything close to the holiday spirit would be possible. Ever. Again. My ex-husband and I had split not even a month earlier and just before the holidays was such bad timing. Happy fucking holidays to me! I was down and out. I was in shock. I was devastated. I was confused. I was sad. I was exhausted.
Last year on Christmas Eve, I somehow managed to remain sober for a few hours (although that may be questionable in hindsight…), showered and got myself to church. I had the support of a wonderful girlfriend who met me there. And I always love the late mass, but last year the family service at 4:00 p.m. was all I could manage. And that was barely. At that point, anything sentimental would send me into fits of uncontrollable sobbing. So the watered-down kiddie service was the answer for me. And even then I shed a few tears big during Silent Night.
Well, just one year later I’m good. Like really good. I will go to church tonight – the late service! I will sing in the choir who have always been my friends but now feel like family. I will grab a celebratory cocktail or two with the group after the service. Tomorrow, I will spend Christmas Day with friends – old and new. This weekend I will spend in bed with a new lover. Next week, I will fly to Florida to spend New Years’ Eve in the sun, on the beach. I am establishing new traditions in my new single life. And they are about 1000% times better than when I was married. I couldn’t have imagined my life now at this time last year. It’s amazing. Beyond my wildest dreams, amazing.
If you have just gone through a break-up or a divorce, it’s horrible and I am sorry. But I am here to tell you that you will feel better. You need to give yourself time. You need to be kind to yourself. You need to do whatever you need to do to cope. Wine. Men. Sleep. Shopping. Binge watch Inside Amy Shumer. Do what you need to do, but know that it does get better and even better than you can imagine. Hang in there. Happy Holidays.ChicagoChristmas EveDivorceLover