The other night, I “matched” with a new guy on Tinder. He said he was 40 years old, Palestinian/Armenian heritage and single. He was incredibly good looking and he looked very young for 40. Maybe the pictures were old? And the quality of the pictures was also not that great. And I think it was the same guy in all three pictures, but I wasn’t certain. My antennas were already up but he reached out to me, so we started chatting…
It was the usual – what part of the city do you live in, etc. and he shared that he used to live in my neighborhood years ago. Fine. Then we talked about what we do for work and he told me he is an orthopedic surgeon and how he works all the time. Okay. Fine. This lady isn’t looking for someone 24/7 in any case. Then we swapped some funny dating stories. Fine. Then he proceeded to describe his body to me and told me how happy he would make me…. uhmmm, okay. It was getting near my bedtime and perfect timing to wind down the conversation before it went further into the sex talk. He kind of complained and said that he had to be up at 5:30 and at the hospital for wrist resetting at 7:15 (so why can’t I stay up?). But I bid him good night and went to bed.
The next morning, he is sent me the kissy-face emoji at 7:30 a.m. – two of them in fact. Isn’t he supposed to be in surgery? I write back and ask him – oh, he’s waiting for the doctor. Okay..
My usual protocol before spending too much time chatting or meeting up is to verify that men are who they say they are. Sometimes I can do this without asking them anything. If they list their place of work or their profession or their alma mater in their profile, I can usually find them on LinkedIn or somewhere. But for this guy I couldn’t find anything.. I was searching through every hospital website in a 30 mile radius looking for an orthopedic surgeon who looked like him. When I can’t find anything, I ask if they are on LinkedIn and I ask for their last name (I am also prepared to share mine).
So I asked and he said, no, he wasn’t looking for a job and it isn’t necessary for his career, plus he is moving to Rome in a few years. Hmmmm… Then I ask for his last name to find him on Facebook – after all you have to connect Tinder through Facebook to use the app. Then he sends me an email address and tells me it’s not his real name, that he had to change everything after he broke up with his fiancé. I continue to ask and get more confusing answers. I tell him this all feels a bit odd. He then sends me a nonsensical note and says good luck to me. Then he unmatched me. Gone.
Sometimes it feels awkward to ask for their last name and sometimes they make fun of me a little when I do ask, but they always give it to me unless they are hiding something. Something was off about this guy from the very beginning, and I knew it. And if you also feel this when meeting someone new online, listen to your gut. You are in charge. Ask what you need to know. Check them out online. And if there is anything off – abort! Plenty of other men out there. Nice ones.DatingFacebookLinkedInsafetyTInder